Just a blog :)

Over the past 6 years, I have had some wonderful relationships. It all started in high school, with a boy who we will name "Clifford". Clifford was my first real boyfriend. One that parents met, one that they liked, one that we would take out to our family dinners. Clifford was very outgoing, loved to rock climb, hike, be adventureous. I liked that about him. I broke up with him. Reason being, his shoes. I was young, 17...and didn't know what I wanted in life. He had told me he loved me, but I just wasn't that into him. I wanted to be free. His shoes bugged me so much that I had to let him go. Clifford never knew that was the reason. Next came my first true love. We met while working at a retirement home together. He was the bad boy with all the piercings and tattoos, and I was the shy, tall good girl. We will call him "Marty". Marty was very sweet, it all happend rather fast. We went out on a few dates, and fell madly in love. It was something I had never felt before. My heart raced every time I saw him, my hands got sweaty when he hugged me, my face turned bright red. I was filled with joy everytime I was with him. I met some amazing people from him. Some of them I still keep in touch with, but don't hang out with unfortunately. He was my everything. We dated for almost three years. Two of those years were a dream, I thought he'd be the one I'd spend my life with. During our final year together, I found out he wasn't who I thought he was. Lies came out, and kept coming. Our relationship fell apart, and we no longer trusted each other. Marty was turning into someone who I couldn't stand, someone I no longer wanted to be with. We worked on things, and things got a lot better, I was feeling like maybe this will work. Out of the blue he broke up with me. I have never been so devestated in my life. I would be up crying all night, my mum would come and lay with me and hold me, tell me it would be ok. She was my saviour. Things got easier. I planned to be single for a long time, explore the world. Then I met another guy, someone smart, someone with his head in the right place, someone fun. We'll name this guy "Eddie". He took me out, treated me like a princess. I wanted to be with him. So much for living the single life. We started a relationship, bought a house, and had a child. Things took a turn for the worse, we won't go into details. I loved him, but I never felt the same feelings I did for my first true love, and neither did he. I want to feel those feelings again someday. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. But I plan to be single and explore this new side of me. I can't let myself jump into a new relationship. Can I date? Sure, I plan to, and have met some wonderful guys. Am I looking for the one? Not right now. Right now I want to get to know who I am. Get to know the real me.