Sunday, April 11, 2010

Am I really the one to blame?

So a comment from a certain someone (baby daddy Joe) keeps coming up. I am the one who left. Meaning I'm the one who tore our family apart. It really upsets me. It makes me feel like it was ALL my fault. Which I know it wasn't, but I don't want Ty growing up thinking that the reason we aren't together as a family is because I left. Sure I did leave, but it wasn't all completely my decision. I left because I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't happy, Joe wasn't happy, so that was rubbing off on Ty and he wasn't happy. You can't live your life being un happy all the time. Its not good for you emotionally, or physically. I left because we didn't work out as a couple. As much as I wanted to, we simply didn't mesh. We would fight over the stupidest things, like cleaning, my cooking, whose turn it was to change a diaper....TV, MOBSTERS...FARMVILLE (Stupid!!!!) Joe going out all the time, me sitting at home with Ty all the time...which don't get me wrong, I love doing, but I needed to get out once in a while, and I didn't have that opportunity unless I asked my parents to watch him, which I shouldn't have needed to do when I was living with Joe. He should have watched him more. I see that now. He is a good dad, and I appriciate what he does for Ty, but its time that I need to stop being a push over, and I need to get what I deserve. Ty lives with me almost every day, except for the days that he visits his dad. So this means that he gets fed here every day, diapered, washed, ect...when he goes to his dad's which will now be once a week, I give him breakfast here, pack milk, pack lots of snacks. So the money is coming out of my parents pockets, and mine. We share Tyson, he is both of ours, so shouldn't that mean that the cost of having him should be split equally? Its time I take charge of my life, and Ty's and do something about this. I wish we didn't have to go thru the 'system' but it might need to happen. I want Joe to be in Ty's life, but with out a little help here and there its hard to really 'want' him to be in his know? I'm just rambling here, and I probably shouldn't be. But this is my blog, and I'm done censoring myself, I'm going to tell it how it is. I am sick of hearing that comment every time I ask for a little help. I'm sick of hearing "You are the one who left". Yes I did, but you are the one who helped me make that decision, you were the one who didn't want to change.

Done :) and feeling better!

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