I am lucky

Its been a while!

I can't believe how long its been since I have updated. I almost forgot how to log on to here! I wish I would keep up with this like I use to. I miss blogging!!

Things are so amazing in my life right now. Sure I am still battling some struggles, but I am doing it with a more positive outlook, and I think that is helping. I am less stressed and am just enjoying spending every minute with my baby...who is not much of a baby anymore. Ty is now 16 months and he's a joy. A very tiring joy! He is so energetic and is getting into everything, but hey he is a boy! We recently recieved some new diapers from some wonderful friends of ours, and are loving using them! Sunbaby diapers rock, you all need to look into them!

About a month ago, I purchased a custom mini quilt from a wonderful friend. Ty loves his quilt, and is constantly hugging it and playing with it. I cannot wait to save up and buy another one from Tracey!

Check out her quilting blog, she's an awesome momma with an amazingly handsome little boy! Traceyjay quilts

I have a few diapers to pay forward, as Ty no longer fits in them. So this week I will make a blog for it, and hopefully find someone who I can give some diapers to. Diapers include Cow Patties CD and some other WAHM dipes! I would love to pay these forward!!

Of course, something else...

Well recently we have found Ty a couple new snacks. He LOVES fruit cups, pears, oranges..peaches ect. He can't get enough of them! So we give him about two a day...since he has been very picky recently! Even Anuty Amanda has become somewhat addicted to them. We buy the ones that are in water or juice with no syrup...so we can  try and be healthy. Well guess what? A study has been done, and of course they found out that the foods we feed our children are not safe. This is even food geared towards babies, such as Gerber products. They have found an excess amount of LEAD...yes thats right, LEAD in these products. How can we feel safe as parents to feed our children anything? Or give them medicine that is supposed to help them, not harm them? The FDA really really needs to crack down on this.

Website with information on fruit

The DOWNs of motherhood

Yesterday we were all playing in the living room, Ty being his usual self and running everywhere. I was watching him and was thinking that he was going to fall and cut his head open, I could see it happen, and then I thought that I would text Michelle so she could update all my BOF mommies. Only two minutes later it happened. He was running around and fell into the corner of the wall. It was a loud thud. I sat there frozen. He started crying and I rushed to him. There was blood everywhere, on the carpet, all down him, in his eyes, mouth..everywhere. I have never in my life seen that much blood. We put a wet paper towel on it and got him in the car. I was in shock I couldn't speak, I was stuttering. I tried to say words but they wouldn't come out.

We arrived at the ER which luckily is only 5 mins down the road. Ty had calmed down and wanted to play with all the toys but I wouldn't let him since he was covered in blood. The nurse took us in and took all his vitals. He hated the different people coming in and doing stuff to him. The doctor came in (a nice pediatric doc from childrens) and took a look at him. He needed stitches. He put some numbing cream on the cut and a band aid. Came back 30 mins later do to the stitches.

X arrived. and he was so mean to me when my family was out of the room. I was already feeling like a crappy mother, but he made it worse. Saying I should have watched him more and that this could have been prevented. The nurse came in and supermanned Ty's arms in a pillow case, and then swaddled him. Thats what he hated most, being held down. The doc then did his stitches. Three of them, which wasn't too bad but I wish he hadn't of needed them.

I saw my friend Anthony at the ER, he works there and he was such a sweetheart!

I never thought my little man would ever need stitches. I never thought he would get hurt, I never thought this would happen to him. I thought he was indestructible. With a name like Tyson, he should be beating the walls up. Not the walls beating him up!

Ty is ok now, I have been giving him pain relievers and he is his normal self. Running around like a mad man, which is making me a nervous wreck!!!

Help me decide!!

I need a change, I do like the way I look now, but I need something different. I'm starting over in my life, so shouldn't my look be fresh? I want to cut my hair, but have no clue what to do with it! So I need your help!! I have had my hair short before, well just below my chin, and I liked it. Right now my hair is long, and it gets in the way!!

Ok so you have seen the short hair, and the long hair. Short was easy to handle and somewhat cuter to style.  I would however like something like this:

Or could I pull off something like this?

Ok so I need your help!!!! Please help me to decide what to do with my hair, I need a change, I'm not afraid to do something drastic but I still want it to look good!!!

Please leave comments and tell me your opinions!!!

Please excuse the pictures, the one with the short hair is the best I have!

Just a blog :)

Over the past 6 years, I have had some wonderful relationships. It all started in high school, with a boy who we will name "Clifford". Clifford was my first real boyfriend. One that parents met, one that they liked, one that we would take out to our family dinners. Clifford was very outgoing, loved to rock climb, hike, be adventureous. I liked that about him. I broke up with him. Reason being, his shoes. I was young, 17...and didn't know what I wanted in life. He had told me he loved me, but I just wasn't that into him. I wanted to be free. His shoes bugged me so much that I had to let him go. Clifford never knew that was the reason. Next came my first true love. We met while working at a retirement home together. He was the bad boy with all the piercings and tattoos, and I was the shy, tall good girl. We will call him "Marty". Marty was very sweet, it all happend rather fast. We went out on a few dates, and fell madly in love. It was something I had never felt before. My heart raced every time I saw him, my hands got sweaty when he hugged me, my face turned bright red. I was filled with joy everytime I was with him. I met some amazing people from him. Some of them I still keep in touch with, but don't hang out with unfortunately. He was my everything. We dated for almost three years. Two of those years were a dream, I thought he'd be the one I'd spend my life with. During our final year together, I found out he wasn't who I thought he was. Lies came out, and kept coming. Our relationship fell apart, and we no longer trusted each other. Marty was turning into someone who I couldn't stand, someone I no longer wanted to be with. We worked on things, and things got a lot better, I was feeling like maybe this will work. Out of the blue he broke up with me. I have never been so devestated in my life. I would be up crying all night, my mum would come and lay with me and hold me, tell me it would be ok. She was my saviour. Things got easier. I planned to be single for a long time, explore the world. Then I met another guy, someone smart, someone with his head in the right place, someone fun. We'll name this guy "Eddie". He took me out, treated me like a princess. I wanted to be with him. So much for living the single life. We started a relationship, bought a house, and had a child. Things took a turn for the worse, we won't go into details. I loved him, but I never felt the same feelings I did for my first true love, and neither did he. I want to feel those feelings again someday. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. But I plan to be single and explore this new side of me. I can't let myself jump into a new relationship. Can I date? Sure, I plan to, and have met some wonderful guys. Am I looking for the one? Not right now. Right now I want to get to know who I am. Get to know the real me.

Mothers Day....

Mothers Day...just another Hallmark Holiday? Part of these days are just a way for card companies, flower companies, spa's and restaurants to make more money. It is true that flower sales go up around this time of year. Shouldn't we be buying our Mothers flowers every day of the year? Mothers do so much for us, cook, clean (they still will when you live on your own!) call us to check in, hold us when we are feeling down, and love us with all of their hearts. I know I take my mum for granted sometimes. She takes care of me so well, and she takes care of Ty too. I know I should show more appriciation for her. I think becoming a mom myself has made me realise all that she does for me. We celebrated Mothers Day for my mum a few weeks ago, as Mothers Day is on a different day in England. We bought her a few gifts, but do gifts really mean anything? It brought a smile to her face, but I want to bring that smile to her face every day with out buying a gift. I need to show her how much I care about her and how what she does for me means so much. I need to start pitching in more. Doing more laundry, cleaning the house more. She works, takes care of Ty while I work, and she has to take care of herself too. She has made my life as a single mom so much easier. While flowers and chocolates are nice, I think a hug and an I love you is nicer, those are things we should give our moms everyday.

Last year I celebrated my first mothers day. I was upset because I didn't even get a card! But thinking about it now, Ty was just a baby...how was he to know? And he shows me he loves me everyday with that smile that makes my heart melt. and makes everything that I do for him feel so right.

I need to do this....

I know this is late. But I think I'm in denial. How can my tiny baby be ONE!!!! It is not possible!! Tyson turned one on April 21st. He had a wonderful day, and recieved so many great gifts. But really....how did this happen...so fast??! Ty is my world. He is my number one priority. I put him first and I always will. This past year has been great. There have been so many wonderful moments and I am so blessed to have such an amazing little man in my life. The first few months were tough, no sleep...him not eating right...crying all them time...but every time he looked at me with those big eyes, my heart melted and I forgot about all the un happy moments I had that day. He has turned my life around. I have someone who relies on me, who needs me to keep him happy and safe, and I love doing this. It is the best job I have ever had. Sure I've had some personal issues, but those have been sorted out now, and I am finally happy and comfortable being a single mother, although I can hardly say I'm doing it alone. I have such a strong support system, and I can't thank my parents enough for what they have done for Ty and I. Joe and I are in a good place. We still bicker about tiny things, we have different parenting styles, but we are committed to keeping Ty safe, and raising him in a healthy enviroment. Do I wish Joe and I were still raising him as one unit? Sure I do but we both know its for the best. This past year has made me so much stronger. Being a mother has given me more confidence, made me happier, and less negative. Every smile turns me into a better person. The past year came and went, and now I'm looking forward to this next year of Ty's life. We have a fun year ahead of us, and I'm excited for what it entails.

A short journey thru Ty's life

Here is Ty at 8 weeks! Our first picture of him...we had no idea if he was a boy or a girl!

Here I am at around 20 weeks I believe...we still didn't know if he was a boy or girl!!

Here I am about 30 weeks. I was getting huge!!!! We knew by now that he was a boy! Hooray!!

April 21st, a very early morning! I was about to pop, and almost 2 weeks late!!

Tyson James arrived at 6:21pm, April 21st, 8lbs 10oz, 21 inches!!

Celebrating Ty turning 1 month old!!

2 months old!!

3 Months! We had done a long road trip, Buffalo, Boston, NYC and Washington DC!!!

4 Months, Ty didn't react to his shots too well :(

5 Months, Go Steelers!!

Six Months!

7 Months, Ty's handsome Christmas Picture!!

8 Months, Christmas Day and standing tall!

9 Months playing in the snow!!!

10 Months, my little prince charming

11 Months, my big boy!!

And of course I'll try and add a 12 month pic tomorrow! I can't believe my little baby is turning ONE tomorrow!!!!!

Ty's First Birthday Party

Tyson had his 1st Birthday Party on April 18th 2010. We will have another small party for him on his actual Birthday, April 21st 2010. It was so much fun and we had everyone that we love there. His friends were there and they looked like they were enjoying themselves. I was stressed that I wasn't doing anything right, since I've never held a party before, but I let it go and tried to enjoy myself. You can see all my pictures on FB but I'll add a few on here.

Thank you to everyone that came. It truly means so much to us to have you all in our lives! We love you!

Feeling down.

Ty has always been a really good eater. He would eat any thing and everything. Clear his plate and then just want more. He was always way above average on the weight charts. But now he just won't eat. He'll take a small nibble here and there but he isn't eating like he used to. I give him all the foods that he likes, I give him new foods, healthy foods...but nothing. He just plays with it or throws it on the floor. I hate meal times now. I used to love them, but now its just so frustrating. I was in tears last night because my baby wouldn't eat. I'm worried that he's going to loose weight and get really skinny. He's not the little chubby baby that he was. He doesn't have his budah belly anymore. I'm just feeling like there is something more I should do but I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do at all! I never thought Ty would have eating issues. I know some babies do, but Ty was always a piggy and now he refuses to eat anything. I'm worried is isn't going to get the nutrients that he needs, I'm worried he'll get sick. I'm worried. I'm sad, I'm mad...grr. Please Ty eat!!!

Lets talk about hair...again

I don't think I'm ever going to cut his hair. Just because he's a boy doesn't mean he has to have short hair. It may be the norm but I don't care. Lots of little boys look cute with longer hair! I'm not saying that I'll let it grow down to his waist, but I like it how it is now and wouldn't mind it a little longer. Here are some pictures to show that some boys do have long hair, and then I'll add in pics of Ty.

On the left is Kingston Rosdale, his hair is super cute, and Ty's is starting to look like that. I think it still looks boyish.

                             Here is Kate Hudson's son Ryder Robinson, his hair to me is adorable! And still boyish.

And here we have Charlie and Tennyson Crowe, not only are their names super cute, but their hair is adorable! I love this look and I think this is the look we'll go for with Ty's.

See its not too long!!!! Its cute, and its getting pretty wavy at the back which I absolutly LOVE!

Sure when he grows up and he wants to shave it all off, I'll let him. But right now I think the long hair suits him! So I wont let anyone cut it!!!

Next time around

While I was a SAHM I had some free time to build a friendship with some wonderful ladies online. These ladies have helped me thru a lot of things, we help each other out as much as we can and keep each other sane! If only we lived close to each other, we'd be the best of friends, and our kids would be too!
Anyways one of the ladies on there made a post about what she would do differently the next time around. I wanted to write down what I'd do differently too. And there are quite a few things, little things but they would have made a difference.
1) At the hospital I would have taken more pictures of him, and of me with him.
2) I would have layed him in his crib right away, so he'd get used to it.
3) I would have tried everything in my power to breastfeed.
4) I would not have co-slept. Even though I loved every minute of it and think it is a wonderful thing to do, it just made the transistion to crib a lot harder and made for many sleep less nights.
5) I would have kept up with his baby book
6) I would have actually PRINTED pictures out!!! I have all my pictures online, but non printed out. I don't have an album. I'm trying to make a Tyson's first year album on shutterfly, but it is so hard, I have so many pictures! I feel bad not having any hung up around my house :(
7) I would have been in a loving stable relationship and married :) lol

Thanks Sarah for your great posts!!!

Am I really the one to blame?

So a comment from a certain someone (baby daddy Joe) keeps coming up. I am the one who left. Meaning I'm the one who tore our family apart. It really upsets me. It makes me feel like it was ALL my fault. Which I know it wasn't, but I don't want Ty growing up thinking that the reason we aren't together as a family is because I left. Sure I did leave, but it wasn't all completely my decision. I left because I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't happy, Joe wasn't happy, so that was rubbing off on Ty and he wasn't happy. You can't live your life being un happy all the time. Its not good for you emotionally, or physically. I left because we didn't work out as a couple. As much as I wanted to, we simply didn't mesh. We would fight over the stupidest things, like cleaning, my cooking, whose turn it was to change a diaper....TV, MOBSTERS...FARMVILLE (Stupid!!!!) Joe going out all the time, me sitting at home with Ty all the time...which don't get me wrong, I love doing, but I needed to get out once in a while, and I didn't have that opportunity unless I asked my parents to watch him, which I shouldn't have needed to do when I was living with Joe. He should have watched him more. I see that now. He is a good dad, and I appriciate what he does for Ty, but its time that I need to stop being a push over, and I need to get what I deserve. Ty lives with me almost every day, except for the days that he visits his dad. So this means that he gets fed here every day, diapered, washed, ect...when he goes to his dad's which will now be once a week, I give him breakfast here, pack milk, pack lots of snacks. So the money is coming out of my parents pockets, and mine. We share Tyson, he is both of ours, so shouldn't that mean that the cost of having him should be split equally? Its time I take charge of my life, and Ty's and do something about this. I wish we didn't have to go thru the 'system' but it might need to happen. I want Joe to be in Ty's life, but with out a little help here and there its hard to really 'want' him to be in his life...you know? I'm just rambling here, and I probably shouldn't be. But this is my blog, and I'm done censoring myself, I'm going to tell it how it is. I am sick of hearing that comment every time I ask for a little help. I'm sick of hearing "You are the one who left". Yes I did, but you are the one who helped me make that decision, you were the one who didn't want to change.

Done :) and feeling better!

Pictures!!

I wanted to share a few random pictures, some are from Easter, and some are from Ty's first tme trying ice cream!! They are just too cute not to share, and these are the last few weeks of him before he turns into a big boy! :( Also I am going to get a tattoo. None of my family is going to be happy about it at all! But I have always wanted one, and now I actually have something to get one for. I'm going to get Ty's name on my wrist. If I land a professional job or something, then I can cover it up with a band aid or watch. I going to do it!

He had the cutest shirt on that we found last year at Kohls. Of course I bought him summer clothes last year thinking that he would be huge, since at 5 months he was in 9-12 month clothes. Well of course he slowed right down and his whole closet is full of summer clothes that I don't think he'll fit in to until winter!!

Tyson loved his ice cream!! And it was free!! If they are under a certain height at Brusters then they get a free ice cream! Yum! Ty loves walking around, but all the shoes he has give him blisters! No fun! So he goes barefoot!

Where we live we have some pretty strange golf balls with legs...weird...but they were fun to take pictures with!

And to end it with a bang....REAR FACING ROCKS!