Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Long Walks=Lots of thinking
Long walks make me think a lot, and I don't know if that is a good thing, or a bad thing. I have been taking about two walks a day, so that gives me lots of time to be by myself while pushing Ty around. And the thought that always pops into my head is...am I doing the right thing? Each day I see families. I see them together. I see them being happy together. I see the daddy teaching his son how to catch a ball, and I see a mommy cheering them on. I see a mommy and a daddy trying to keep their daughter on the side walk while she is pedling her bike. I see mommies and daddies holding hands as their children walk infront of them. I see smiles, I hear laughs, I see happiness, I see love. It makes me think...am I really doing the right thing? Shouldn't Ty get to experience that? Shouldn't he get to see the love between his parents? And have them both there while he is learning how to hit a baseball? Shouldn't he have both parents holding hands at his football games? He should. But he won't. I had to cut my walk short today, because it simply made me really upset, seeing all the happiness around me. Sure I am happy, but I would be happier knowing that I can give Ty two parents who are together. I know deep down that we are doing the right thing. But it still hurts. I know he will appriciate the fact that we aren't together in the long run, because simply we sucked at being a couple. He doesn't need parents who fight all the time. But part of me wonders if he'll be upset when his friends parents are holding hands and being together. It worries me. No more walks for a while.